Alden tried to keep himself calm as the cab took him back to his tinctury. After all, while the underlying cause of spontaneous combustion was a gradual accumulation of dangerous levels of phlogiston in the tissues, the actual combustion event was generally triggered by a spike of high emotion. Unfortunately, the knowledge that he had been dosed with a lethal poison was not exactly terribly calming. The moment he arrived back home, he quickly stepped out of the cab and hurried to his workroom where Tiffany was waiting for him. She started to say something, but he simply walked past her and started putting together a concoction of a few standard tinctures he had in storage. Once he’d swallowed the murky mixture he finally turned to face Tiffany, who by now appeared quite concerned. “What’s going on, Alden? I received a telegram saying you needed my help with counter-androgenic tinctury, but nothing about why. What was that mixture you just swallowed?” “Tincture of lemon and eucalyptus to lower body temperature, goat’s milk extract to reinforce the phlegmatic humour and tincture of chamomile as a sedative agent. Hopefully that should help prevent or suppress the type of physiological states known to trigger a combustion event. I’ve been dosed with the poison we’ve been studying. Probably over the course of at least a week.” Tiffany paled. “Are… Are you certain?” “Quite certain. Please fetch the large scale and set it down here. I have been exhibiting signs of an inflamed sanguine humour for some time now, although I only realized it in retrospect. Increased aggression, short temper, possibly an increase in possessiveness, though I’m not certain that’s related. Restlessness, poor impulse control, mood swings. And just recently, I experienced clear signs of sexual desire.” Tiffany stopped dead in her tracks, holding on to the bulky scale. “Alden, simple desire is hardly a sign…” “I haven’t experienced sexual desire since I was sixteen, Tiffany.” “Oh. That’s…” Tiffany was clearly struggling to find a proper response to that statement as she set the scale down on the floor. In the end, she simply settled for: “I can see why that would be cause for concern, then.” “Quite.” Alden stepped onto the scale and fiddled with the device to dial in on an accurate reading of his weight. Mentally subtracting the approximate weight of his clothing from the result, he couldn’t help but frown darkly. “I’m lighter than expected by almost ten pounds. While this is hardly an exact measure, if the discrepancy is caused by phlogiston accumulation then my body contains almost six times as much phlogiston as a healthy human body should. I’m glad all we have here are safety lamps, because even running my hand across a candle flame would probably be enough to light me up like a torch.” Tiffany gasped, looking a hair’s breadth away from full-blown panic. Alden, on the other hand, was starting to feel a little calmer. Then again, he had just consumed a fairly concentrated dose of tincture of chamomile. If anything, the fact that he wasn’t feeling particularly sleepy was a little alarming. He was pulled from his musings by Tiffany’s slightly shrill voice. “What do we do? How do you safely extract phlogiston from a human body?” “The body uses phlogiston in the process of consuming nutritious elements during physical labour. That phlogiston is then purged from the body through exhalation. Calm, steady physical exercise should help reduce the accumulated phlogiston, but it certainly won’t be enough unless we can halt the effects of the poison. That’s why I need your expertise, Tiffany.” Tiffany took a deep breath to calm herself down. “Right. We know the poison works by inflaming the sanguine humour, but we also know that common methods for suppressing the sanguine humour isn’t effective in countering it.” “Otherwise the late Dr. Rawleigh with his daily doses of tincture of saffron and thornroot would still be with us.” “Exactly. We also know that the components of the poison are all aphrodisiacs or male enhancements. As such, we might be able to counter the effects using sexual suppressants and counter-androgens, but we need to make sure nothing we give you reacts poorly with any of the active substances of the poison. To begin with, I recommend a measure of almond oil. It is a mild and very gentle counter-androgen that tends to work well together with other medications.” Alden nodded and accepted a small glass filled with oil from Tiffany’s faintly trembling hand. Swallowing the fragrant oil, he grimaced as the slick, fatty substance coated the entire inside of his mouth. “Unpleasant to say the least. But if it helps it will be well worth it.” “I’m going to need to perform some tests and do some reading. I don’t…” There was a knock on the door, and shortly thereafter Miss Oxley entered the workroom holding a leather case. “Someone just delivered this. Said it was urgent.” Alden accepted the case and opened it up, finding a large stack of papers containing the initial findings of whatever group Lucille had put in charge of studying the burning drug. The findings were still in the very early stages, but it certainly seemed as though a lot of resources were going into the project. Especially since the notes suggested that the only animal subjects that had been found to have a comparable reaction to the poison to that of humans were monkeys, which certainly couldn’t be cheap… More worryingly, the findings suggested that a monkey dosed with the drug emitted about six or seven times as much phlogiston during spontaneous combustion as an un-dosed monkey did if its body was burned. That number was uncomfortably close to Alden’s estimate about his own present phlogiston levels. Thinking back on his earlier reading about spontaneous combustion and phlogiston levels, he started mentally putting together a schedule for intermittent resting and physical exercise that should hopefully help lower his phlogiston levels without pushing his body overmuch. It would hardly do him any good if he ended up overexciting his body and bursting into flame while trying to reduce his phlogiston levels, after all. Tiffany, on the other hand, had gravitated to a completely different portion of the delivered information. Within the stack of papers was a section describing what was known about each individual component of the drug, along with any known interactions with other medicinal substances. Not wasting a moment, she took those papers aside and started comparing the information within with observations from her own personal notes. After several minutes of work, she nodded and stood up. “I’m fairly certain I have an outline for a safe treatment. But it’s innately toxic to mice. I’m going to need a simian test subject.” Alden nodded and handed Miss Oxley thirty pounds. “Run over to the breeding centre behind the Royal Hospital. They’re expensive as anything, but they’re open at all hours of the day. Get us a monkey or something. Hurry.” Miss Oxley nodded and took off without a word, clearly sensing the gravity of the situation. Tiffany went over to one of the work stations and started preparing her ingredients. “Alden, mix up enough of the burning drug for it to be 90% lethal within one hour according to the table we were sent. If the test subject is administered both the drug and the treatment and survives without major side effects, we can begin treatment on you.” Alden nodded and went over to his own work station. He had acquired small amounts of all the ingredients of the burning drug in case he needed them for further study, but making up enough of the drug that the notes suggested it would be lethal to a monkey within one hour would require nearly every scrap of the ingredients he had on hand. Still, he could hardly think of a more pressing use for them. And so, following the method of preparation suggested in the notes, Alden got to work. Tiffany, meanwhile, was working hard on the antidote. “Tincture of catmint and soy bean extract to act as counter-androgens, peppermint oil and tincture of corn husk to suppress the libido, coffee oil and boiled flaxseed to inhibit testicular function…” Alden listened to Tiffany’s mutterings as he worked, idly noting that no matter how skilled a tincturer he might be, there was truly no end to the knowledge he had yet to learn. He also noted that he should be more careful in the future when suggesting coffee oil or boiled flaxseed as laxatives… Tiffany and Alden watched with nervous optimism as the caged monkey, having been fed, with some difficulty, both the rather vile porridge Tiffany had put together and a carefully measured dose of the burning drug, simply kept idly swinging to and fro across the bars of its cage. Far from combusting, the animal seemed as calm as when they had received it. Alden glanced at the clock as Tiffany idly fed the creature another apple slice. “It’s been an hour and a half.” “Should we give it another half an hour, to be safe?” “Probably, but on the other hand, I have been feeling a rather worrying sense of spreading heat for the past ten minutes.” Tiffany spun around with a worried look and placed a hand on Alden’s forehead. “You’re far too warm! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” “We agreed on an hour and a half. Besides, my emotional state remains fairly calm. Having said that, I would like to have a dose of that remedy as soon as possible.” Tiffany quickly measured out an appropriate amount of the strange, oily porridge and handed it to Alden, who forced down the nauseating concoction with more determination than grace. “Ghastly. If you have to choke down this sludge every day then you have my most sincere condolences.” “Oh, I’ve consumed worse than that in the past, but my current treatment is nowhere near as odious. My testicles have somewhat atrophied as a long-term result of my treatments, and I no longer need to directly suppress their functionality.” Alden briefly paused in his valiant attempt to stomach the gross sludge as he considered whether or not this treatment might cause the same thing to happen to him. But in the end he simply shrugged and continued choking down the slimy mess. A brief treatment to address a poisoning wasn’t likely to cause such long-term issues. And even if it did, Alden doubted he would particularly mourn the functionality of his testicles. It wasn’t as though he really used them for anything. The following day was rather unpleasant for Alden. Though his temperature had stopped rising shortly after he had consumed the experimental antidote, it remained quite high for the entirety of the next day. Alden was incapable of doing much more than performing light to moderate exercises at the times he was feeling better and resting when his condition deteriorated. Moments of feverish delirium came and went throughout the day, and when it was time for him to take his second dose of the antidote, it was all he could do not to throw the nasty gunk back up. Still, the day was not without its rays of hope. The monkey was still in perfect health, showing no signs whatsoever of having been fed a lethal dose of poison. And Alice had arrived in the afternoon to meet with Tiffany, and even just listening to the muffled sound of their voices from where he lay atop his bed, Alden could clearly tell that the two had become fast friends. The next day, the constant sense of uncomfortable heat finally started to recede. As clarity returned to his mind, Alden informed Tiffany of his improved condition. Tiffany, as he had rather suspected she might, responded by enveloping him in a hug that felt almost desperate. “Thank the gods, Alden! I’ve been beside myself with worry.” “I do apologise for causing you concern. But now that my condition seems to be improving, there’s something we need to take care of.” “What’s that, then?” “We need to figure out how I was poisoned in the first place. Given how gradual the symptoms were, the poison must have been administered little by little over the course of multiple days. I have a hard time believing that someone was able to administer it to me directly without me noticing. As such, the culprit must somehow have arranged for me to self-administer the poison without noticing.” “By poisoning your food or some such?” “Precisely. We need to make a thorough search of my apartment and the tinctury. The poison has to be somewhere.” “I suppose. But you have to promise not to push yourself too hard, Alden. You’re still recovering.” “I’ll be careful, and I’ll make sure to follow my schedule for rest and exercise. But figuring out the method by which I was being poisoned is nevertheless a matter of utmost importance.” Tiffany nodded, and though she kept fussing over Alden for the rest of the day, she was nevertheless a great deal of help in locating potential vectors by which the poisoning might have taken place. But that hardly made it an easy feat. At first, they examined Alden’s tea and biscuits. The extremely fragrant tea leaves and the spiced biscuits could conceivably have concealed the smell of low amounts of the burning drug, but testing revealed both to be untainted, and the same was true for every other foodstuff in Alden’s apartment. The water from the pump also proved to be clean, or at least as clean as water ever was in this part of London. Moving into the tinctury, they started methodically checking and examining various common supplies, but found nothing out of the ordinary. They even checked the fatty salve that Alden and Tiffany used to keep their hands from drying and cracking from frequent washing, but there was no sign of the poison there either. It wasn’t until they took the time to consider Alden’s daily routine in detail that they finally found the source of the poison. Alden shaved each morning using a very fragrant soap, and upon examination the bar of soap he’d been using contained just about as much of the burning drug as it could possibly be infused with without the scent becoming strong enough to be felt over the rich herbal and floral scent of the soap. Examining the six spare bars of shaving soap in his cupboard, they found that every last one of them had been laced with the poison. After sending Miss Oxley out to purchase new soap of the same brand, Alden realized that the shape and maker’s mark on the poisoned soap was ever so slightly cruder than on the new bars, and the colour was slightly off. “I’ll be damned. Someone took the trouble of purchasing the same brand of soap I use, creating a counterfeit soap mould, melting the soap down, dosing it with poison and pouring it into the counterfeit mould to form new bars. All so that they could replace my soap with these poisoned versions.” “It’s certainly a clever scheme.” Tiffany remarked. “Clever? Perhaps. Certainly intricate, at any rate. But while I don’t think we’ve tested how well the burning drug is absorbed through the skin, I can’t imagine it’s a very efficient way to administer it. If I’d been poisoned in a less roundabout fashion, I think it’s more than likely that I’d be long dead by now. No, whoever did this was clearly someone who was well enamoured with their own cleverness. A real thinker…” “You rather sound as though you have someone in mind.” “I just might… But now is hardly the time to go chasing after suspected poisoners. It’s late, and I am still recovering. This matter will have to wait for a time. That having been said, if you happen to see a young man who looks strikingly similar to Alice Corker, I would be very interested in knowing where you saw him and what he was doing.” Tiffany frowned, concern writ clear upon her features. “You’re not saying Alice has anything to do with this, are you? She seemed like such a wonderful girl.” “No, don’t worry. I’m completely convinced Alice Corker is quite blameless in this matter. But her family is another matter.” Tiffany seemed a little conflicted for a moment, but finally nodded. “I’ll keep an eye out, and I’ll tell Liz to do the same.” “Much appreciated, Tiffany. You have my thanks.” Tiffany smiled and gave Alden a hug. “Just make sure you get better, all right? That alone would be thanks enough for me.” Alden woke up the next morning feeling delightfully cool. After the days of feverish warmth, the refreshing return to normality took a huge weight off his shoulders. That being said, he did make sure to carefully scrutinize the new block of soap he used to shave, just to make absolutely sure it was properly moulded. Thankfully the maker’s mark was neat and crisp, and so he got through his morning shave without worrying about poison. As he broke his fast, he made sure to carefully smell everything he ate and drank. Sure, they hadn’t found any signs of his food or drink being tampered with, but you never could be too careful. At least, not while a poisoner was actively out to kill you. In light of recent events, Alden felt appropriately cautious about just about everything. The rather brazen confidence with which he’d been approaching various matters in recent days had completely evaporated in light of… Alden stopped as he realized just how different his thinking was compared to before he began taking the antidote. As something of a test of his own faculties, he pondered the matter of Baron Dawkins. And while he still viewed the man with utter disdain, the hot rage he used to feel towards the cruel bastard had shifted into a cold loathing. Why, he even trusted himself not to try to throttle the man if he somehow ended up passing him in the street! As he walked down the stairs, he experimentally pondered the admittedly beautiful and charming Lucille Baines, and found that he once again thought of her as nothing more than a somewhat troublesome employer and friend. He was completely free of any uncomfortably passionate thoughts or emotions. Feeling more like himself than he had in a long time, Alden couldn’t help but grin as he cheerfully greeted Tiffany and Miss Oxley. As Tiffany caught him in the by now fully expected hug, he did note that he still felt just as protective of this brilliant young woman as ever. Then again, at some point he had started viewing her as something like a daughter, so that was hardly particularly surprising. Besides, wanting to protect those dear to you was simple good sense. Once he’d choked down the carefully measured dose of disgusting slop Tiffany had prepared for him, Alden decided to weigh himself once again. To his delight, the scales showed that he was a full pound heavier than last time. Obviously, taking into account the natural variance in a person’s weight, that alone was hardly enough to count as any sort of proof that he was getting better. But together with everything else he was experiencing, he felt fairly confident in saying that the antidote was working wonders. Thus emboldened, Alden decided to step into the streets of London for the first time in days. Now that he had finally defeated the oppressive heat caused by his poisoning, he was quite eager to put a little heat of his own on one Mr. Thomas Corker.